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Even though being a police wife is an important part of who you are, it’s not all there is.  Here’s how you can maintain your sense of self as a LEO wife.

Honestly, it’s really easy to lose yourself in the identity of being a police wife.

I mean, there’s so much responsibility on your plate.  And there’s a lot of pressure out there to be the best at ALL the things, because it seems like everyone else is awesome at those things, too.

If you don’t maintain your sense of self, you can start feeling incredibly irrelevant to the world around you.

So here are three big ways you can maintain your sense of self in the midst of police wife life.

How To Maintain Your Sense Of Self As A Police Wife

Take care of yourself.

Between your husband, your kids, doing stuff around the house, working, and everything in between, you’re stretched to the limit!  In the midst of all that, it’s easy to lose yourself and forget who you are.

Make sure you take time for yourself, even if it just means taking a ten minute time out to read a book or guilt-freely play on your phone.

Even if you have to lock yourself in the bathroom away from your kids for a minute to do so – because girl, I can tell you, I’ve been there!

No matter what you have to do to carve out time to just be you, make it happen.

RELATED: 9 Relaxing Self-Care Ideas for Police Wives

Make connections outside of law enforcement life.

It’s great to connect with other police wives.  It’s awesome!  Because they can understand your struggles on a deep level and help you through them because they’ve been there, too.

But don’t neglect connecting with other people on other levels, too.

You are so much more than just a law enforcement wife.  You have your own dreams, goals, hobbies, personality – everything.  And none of those things need to be sacrificed in order to be a good wife to your husband.

If you’re into playing music, find people to play music with!  Knitting/crocheting?  Find a group who enjoys the same who you can meet up with and talk to.  Crossfitting?  Join a gym and go regularly!

Wherever your interests lie, find people who feel the same way and connect with them.

Finding ways to connect with people outside of just those who are also affiliated with law enforcement is definitely going to help you maintain your sense of self as a police wife.

Try new things that are just for you.

If there’s something you’ve wanted to try but you figured you didn’t have time for it, go ahead and do it!

Seriously, between online resale marketplaces like Facebook Marketplace or LetGo, Groupon, and online courses in all kinds of things, you can make your hopes and dreams a lot more affordable and realistic than ever before.  Heck, even YouTube is a great place to learn how to do stuff!

Whether you’ve always wanted to learn to play the violin, or be an awesome painter, or learn a foreign language, or anything else, make it a priority – because you deserve to have an interesting life, too. 

The trick here, honestly, is to make life outside of your officer just as noteworthy.  If he gets to come home with cool, interesting stories every day, you get to do things that produce cool, interesting stories too!

Let go of the comparison game.

It’s easy to feel like you have to be the best police wife ever, or best mom ever, or the best person ever.  In this day and age of filtered Instagram profiles that make other’s lives look flawless, it’s easy to feel like there’s something wrong with you if you struggle.

Sometimes you can even start feeling like maybe you don’t support your husband and kids enough, even though you’re giving them your all.

Trust me, I’ve been there.

The thing is, you don’t have to be perfect to be wonderfully awesome at living the life you’re responsible for living.  You don’t have to give everything to everyone for them to have everything they need.

Don’t play the comparison game and think you need to be better than anyone else.  All you’re responsible for is doing what YOU can to keep your family safe and (reasonably) healthy and (mostly) happy 🙂


There’s no doubt that being a police wife is a huge part of who you are, but it isn’t everything you are.  Taking the time to nurture yourself will help you cope with the ups and downs of law enforcement life way, way better – because it won’t be 100% who you are.

Instead, it’ll be a small sliver of what makes you, you.  And you, my friend, are amazing!

Side note: there’s a whole chapter on remembering who you truly are in my book, The Proverbs 31 Police Wife.  I totally (and completely un-biasedly, of course ;)) recommend it!

Maintaining your sense of YOU as a police wife is so crazy important - it's the only way to keep your cool in the ups and downs.



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