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It’s 5:00. The babysitter is on her way, you’re all dressed up, and now all you have left to do is wait for your husband to get home from work.
You’re so excited for this date night. Things have been rough, and you’ve needed some time together, not to mention some time away from the kids and your normal responsibilities.
That’s when you get the text: he’s cancelling again because he got held up at work. Again. He says it looks like it’s going to be an all-nighter.
You sigh, call the babysitter to tell her the plans have changed, change back into more comfortable clothes, and hope the kids go to bed easily tonight, because you’re just so not in the mood to put up with any crankiness or whining. You spend the rest of the evening fuming.
Being married to a police officer means that, very often, things don’t go the way you planned them. Your husband is needed when he’s needed, and not much can change that, unfortunately.
Believe it or not, I’m about the least flexible person imaginable. I think it’s why my husband and I are meant to be together – because so much about our lives challenges this quality in me, from his job, to his chronic pain, to our son. I’ve had to work hard to come to terms with the fact that I can’t control everything.
I’ve come a long way, but this particular situation is still one of the toughies.
It’s when I start questioning how important I actually am to my husband and whether I’m actually cut out for this life (not that I can change it – but it’s one of the times I start thinking, “but what if we did?”) It’s when I start questioning whether he really loves me or not, because “if he loves me, why can’t I come first, just this once?”
It’s just hard when his job has to come before his family – which is why there are a few things I need to remind myself before I totally spiral.
3 Things to Remember When Your Husband Cancels Again
He loves you.
Seriously – he loves you. It’s part of the reason he works so hard – why he takes on extra shifts now and then, why he strives to do a good job. He wants to take care of you and give you what you want and need.
Even if you work yourself, even if you happen to make more than he does, this urge is hardwired. I swear.
But when it comes down to it, you need to remember that his job is just a job, even when it feels like an extremely needy and unpleasant second wife. You’re still his #1. Pinky promise.
If he had the choice, you would come first.
Can I let you in on a secret? You’re totally not the only one who’s disappointed about the change in plans.
He’s pissed that he has to stay at work. He’s annoyed that he’s being held up. He’s trying to get on with things as quickly as possible.
Do you think he wouldn’t kill for a chance to hold you, to take you out, to see you all dressed up? I know my husband has an extra spring in his step whenever I put on makeup (because come on, now that I’m a mom, ain’t nobody got time for that.)
But for him to have to miss out? He hates it.
Trust me – whatever he’s dealing with right now, he’d choose you a million times over if he could.
It’s your choice if you have a crappy night.
Here’s some hard truth for you, girlfriend: Even if his job ruined your plans, it’s up to you whether it totally ruins your night or not. Not him, not the job, not your kids, not anyone else – you.
At this point, you have two choices: you can wallow in self-pity and moan about how unfair life is. You can totally do that if you want to have a crappy night.
But if you still want to have an awesome night, make it happen. Own that curveball.
Take a deep breath, regroup, and figure something else out.
Were you dying for a particular food? Keep that babysitter and go eat by yourself.
Don’t want to eat alone in a restaurant? Put the kids to bed (or sneak out long enough for the babysitter to do it) and order in. Eat it and watch a guilty pleasure show with nobody around to judge you.
Hey, have ice cream for dinner for all I care.
The point is, you can have an awesome night or a lousy one, but the ball is totally in your court now.
Does it suck? Yes. Not going to lie – it’s one of the hardest things about this life. But it doesn’t have to be the end of the world.
Are you naturally flexible, or do you struggle when plans change?