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When my husband comes home from a long day (or night) at work, I’d love to say I’m always totally understanding of his need to decompress and be alone. That I’m 100% supportive and unselfish when that time comes.
The truth is, I often get mad when he doesn’t want to talk, because I’ve spent all day talking about Thomas, Blaze, and Paw Patrol. When I’m dying for real conversation, I think he should hop to it.
And I also expect him to be 100% engaged as a father.
And while he’s at it, maybe do some dishes.
But the truth is, I want him to be perfect a lot more often than is fair. I’m pretty good about catching myself most of the time. Usually.
And I’d wager the same can be said for him. Occasionally, he comes home and gets frustrated about a messy house or the fact that dinner didn’t get made or that there are still two days worth of dishes in the sink. I know I’ve broken promises to him that hurt his feelings. I’m sure he has moments of thinking, “Why can’t she just… be better?”
There’s a serious reality check to be had here, and I think it’s one that’s worth repeating over and over (and over).
Marriage is not designed for perfect people.
Now, breathe a sigh of relief. That takes a lot of pressure off. You don’t have to be (or have) the perfect spouse to have the perfect marriage for you.
It’s also not about being fair. So barring a radical personality change overnight, let’s talk about how you can love your perfectly imperfect spouse just the way he is.
5 Ways To Be Okay With Your Spouse’s Imperfections
Don’t expect your spouse to fulfill your every need.
The whole “nobody’s perfect” thing is hard to apply to my husband sometimes, because there are so many things I feel like I need from him.
I need a friend. I need a lover. I need a parenting partner. I need a housekeeping partner. I need someone to vent to, who understands me, who supports me.
For the most part, he can fulfill those roles, but for some? I need my support system.
The fact is, my husband can’t totally understand what my life as a stay-at-home mom is like – and I can’t totally understand his life, either. While I can be a listening ear, I might not be able to fulfill exactly what he needs, and vice versa. I need others who I can talk to who are in my situation – and so does he.
Expecting him to always be understanding and interested? It’s not going to happen – because we’re just different.
And that’s okay.
Remember your own imperfections.
You don’t need to be super hard on yourself: just remember that you have quirks that bug him, too.
Are you messy? Are you a lousy cook? Are you impulsive? Do you go a little too crazy with the Target dollar bins?
When you think of the things your husband puts up with sometimes, it’ll make you less likely to get bent out of shape over his annoying habits. 🙂
Focus on the good stuff.
Perspective is important here: Is your husband’s annoying way of eating chips really worth getting worked up over?
I mean, does it really outweigh the stuff he does to help you around the house?
If he doesn’t help enough around the house day-to-day, how about the hard work he puts in when the major repairs come up?
How about with kids – are they beyond excited when he comes home because they know he’ll be around to snuggle and read a book after they decompress a little?
I’m sure you can think of something.
Sometimes praying for your spouse is going to sound a lot like, “Please make him stop being such a jerk.”
Sometimes that’s the best you’ve got, and that’s okay.
But really, pray sincerely for them. Pray for them to be happy. Pray that they’ll be watched over. Pray to better understand what they need from you (and for them to understand what you need).
Even when I’m feeling particularly salty toward my husband, prayer is a great way to re-center myself on the stuff that really matters.
Random acts of kindness, baby.
I love doing random nice things for my husband, whether that’s buying him a new candy bar or a new shirt, or making something I know he’ll love for dinner, or bringing him a treat at work. Whatever it is, it always cheers me (and him) up.
And that’s especially true if I’m not feeling so fond of him.
Even though it seems counterintuitive, by doing nice things for your husband when you don’t feel like it, you’ll increase the warm fuzzies (technical term) you feel for him. (See also: 40 ways to be an awesome wife :))
Marriage ain’t easy, people. But it’s totally, totally worth it.
What’s the best thing about your husband?