As a wife, it’s likely you wear a lot of hats. For instance, here are a few of the roles I play at home:
And there’s definitely more that I just can’t think of right now. Of course, there’s one role I need to focus on a little more – and that is, being my husband’s girlfriend again. I know that sounds silly – I mean, we’re married. I’ll never just be his girlfriend.
But by that I mean, a woman who excites him. Who flirts with him. Who makes him feel special, because he knows I’m excited to see him. Since getting married, that woman… well, that woman doesn’t make an appearance all that often, unfortunately.
Much more frequently, he gets stressed out, burnt out, frustrated wife who’s more wrapped up in getting the chores done than checking in with and taking care of him. So occasionally, it’s good for our marriage to get some of that “girlfriendness” back. The excitement, the love, the craziness – all the fun stuff that came before we settled down and have things like bills, children, and other responsibilities to worry about.
While those responsibilities (obviously) aren’t going to go away anytime soon, there are a few simple ways to bring the excitement of dating back into your relationship.
Think back to when you lived in separate households. What did you do? Granted, there are a lot of things you can’t do now (text all day long or spend hours on the phone, to name a few), but how about a throwback to that time?
Send a few flirty texts his way when he’s at work. It doesn’t have to be anything big, just something like, “Hey, I was just thinking about you and how cute/sexy/wonderful you are.” You can go into as much or as little detail here as you’d like.
And when he’s home, make sure to flirt in person! Hug him, hold his hand, maybe even pinch his butt here and there. Be physical with him, especially if you have kids (because there’s a good chance that’s fallen by the wayside since babies came into the picture!)
Ask him fun questions to have a little more conversation at the dinner table (there’s a great list of ideas here), because even if you’ve been married a long time and feel like you’ve run out of topics to talk about, there are still more – you just need to be a little more creative. Because “how was your day?” just doesn’t cut it.
Flirting with your husband will help bring back the feeling of being chased, of being attractive, and just of the simple excitement of when you were dating.
Never underestimate the power of a little makeup and nicer clothes.
Do you remember how you’d spend hours preparing for a date when you guys were boyfriend and girlfriend? You’d spend so much time picking out just the right outfit, making sure your makeup was perfect, and adjusting and nitpicking until he arrived, and you were so excited for him to see you.
Guess what? That was fun for him, too. It made him feel special. After all, men are visual creatures – why not take advantage of it?
If you can, take the time to put on makeup, do your hair, and pick out clothes specifically for him.
And to be honest, it doesn’t take much. I know my husband is happy when he gets home and I’m wearing jeans instead of leggings, and just have a little mascara on. Don’t get me wrong, he’s happy to see me regardless, but it makes him feel special when I’ve gone the extra mile just for him.
Besides, getting dolled up is bound to make you feel better, too. I know when I make an effort to put on nice clothes and makeup in the morning, I feel more mentally prepared for the rest of my day!
Do something crazy! Plan a last-minute date, or make out in the car, or whatever. Do something spontaneously crazy and fun, and do something new you’ve never done before if possible.
Even if being spontaneous means hiring a babysitter the morning before doing something in the evening (because true spontaneity is a thing of the past if you have kids),
After all, don’t you remember how fun it was when you did crazy, random stuff when you were dating?
The important thing here is to do fun things together, and especially to do them without your kids. You need time to bond together as husband and wife, not just mom and dad. While you can do fun and spontaneous things with your kids, make an effort to at least sometimes do them alone together and have a meal/dessert where you’re not constantly saying, “stop that!” or refereeing sibling battles.
No matter how long you’ve been married, your marriage will benefit from an infusion of a little more “fun” in your lives.
I’m a twenty-something LEO wife and stay-at-home mom to a one-year-old little boy. I enjoy writing, reading, taking my son for walks and runs in the stroller, and crafting. My goal is for Love and Blues to be a resource for first responders and their families. I write about marriage and family topics, as well as about the quirks that come with being married to a man in law enforcement, firefighting, or emergency medical services.
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