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Have you ever considered the similarities between Pinterest and porn?
I read this article the other day and it kind of blew my mind, because I’ve never considered it – but I found I totally agreed.
The thing the author talks about is how when you see the crafts/homes/parenting tips on Pinterest that are based on a fantasy, it causes you to have unrealistic expectations of your own life… Just like how porn causes unrealistic expectations for sex.
And you know what? It’s totally true.
I mean, I think I’m pretty good about presenting a full picture of my life on this blog. I don’t spend much time pretending our lives are perfect or that I’m a perfect wife. And if you think otherwise, trust me – I’m definitely a hot mess.
But the article it made me think a lot about what I expect of myself as a wife and mom… and why.
I’m not going to lie: social media sometimes gets under my skin more than it should. I have a tendency to think I should be more supportive as a wife, more patient as a mom, more well-rounded as a person, and also have a clean, stylish home where we do lots of super-fun activities as a family.
It’s not that that’s a bad goal – it’s just not totally realistic.
The reality is, I’m overwhelmed a lot of the time. My son isn’t always perfectly behaved and I don’t always respond in the way I’d like to. My husband isn’t always there in the way I wish he would be, even though he’s an awesome dad and husband. It’s just not going to happen between his work schedule and chronic pain issues.
And as for me? I’m selfish. I complain more than I should. I don’t always communicate clearly. I’m not always fair. I don’t always put my husband first. I don’t always forgive him as quickly as I should.
I’m messy, I forget to put my clothes away a lot, and the house is constantly unkempt.
I make promises to do things I haven’t yet done (like knit my husband a sweater – I think I promised that years ago and it still hasn’t happened for a myriad of reasons. Sorry honey!)
I can name a thousand faults I have. And that’s okay.
What’s more important than being perfect is the fact that I try – every single day.
For every time I make a mistake, I do what I can to make it right. I apologize and try to make up for it. I work hard to not do it again. And when I fail again? I try harder next time.
I try so hard to be the best I can be, and that’s enough.
Marriage is hard work. Even the best marriage is hard work.
But fortunately, it’s not about being perfect. Really, truly, you don’t have to be perfect to have an awesome marriage.You don't have to be perfect to have an awesome marriage.Click To Tweet
Isn’t that a relief? 😉
I recently watched a Facebook Live from my fitness coach, who said two things that really struck me:
- The actions you take daily are what determine your success.
- An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.
So with that in mind, I want to invite you to do what I did: to take stock of what you do daily to meet your goals.
Do you strive every day to meet your husband’s needs? To make him feel loved? Do you intentionally make an effort to make his day better and to connect with him?
If you want a better marriage, you have to change something you do daily, whether that’s packing his lunch every day, or making the bed, or making sure to have dinner together or a one-on-one conversation, putting your phone away more often when he’s around, or even snuggling in bed a little more.
And if you’re not sure what you should do, ask your husband for suggestions, or think about the stuff he’s complained about in the past and work on fixing.
But don’t neglect to improve in your everyday interactions with your husband just because you’re disappointed your life isn’t perfect. That’s a great way to fail right there.
Because while you’re worried about being perfect, or not being good enough, you’re wasting time that would be better spent recognizing that you’re doing your best. Time in which you could figure out a new habit you’d like to get into that would better your marriage little by little, day by day.
So take action! Make your marriage just a little better today than it was yesterday. That’s secret sauce behind an awesome marriage.
(Also, I just ordered this book and I’m super excited to read it: I’ll probably post about it in the future, but she’s an excellent writer, and the topic of figuring out how to nurture your marriage while nurturing kids is something I could use advice on.)
So what are you going to do today to build a better marriage?