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I’m so not a fashion blogger.
I mean really: most of the time, I’m wearing jeans and a T-shirt. Makeup? Pfft. 1-2 times a week at best.
I like looking nice, but I just don’t have the time or energy most of the time to do anything more than the basics.
So me, posting about clothes I like? Trust me when I say it won’t be happening all that often. 🙂
That being said, some of my favorite clothes to wear are the ones that show support for my husband. I love feeling reminded of him all day long, showing others I’m totally pro-police, and most of the designs are just really cool 😉
I have such a thing for paper and pencils. I mean, I love the convenience of e-readers and cell phones, and that I can use them to remind me of things or read books with one hand (you know, like when I was nursing a baby in the middle of the night.)
They’re awesome. They have their place.
But there’s something about writing or drawing on paper or opening a real book that speaks to my soul. The feel of it, the smell of it… there’s just nothing like it.
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Thinking back 11 years ago to when my husband began the police academy, I had no idea what our life was about to be like. Our life was about to change in so many ways and at times, I felt blindsided by it all.
We didn’t have anyone “filling us in” about the law enforcement lifestyle and gosh, it was so needed. I needed someone to talk to, to ask questions to, and I am sure my husband could have needed it also.
My husband and I did have several families that were extremely supportive to us. We mostly just hang out with them on the weekends or when their shift had days off. It was helpful, but I don’t think I asked many questions. I wish I had, but you know what they say about hindsight.
As another National Law Enforcement Memorial week comes to an end, it is hard not to reflect on the reality of the line of work my husband has chosen.
As I sit here writing this, there is an alert on my phone: another law enforcement officer was shot and killed.
As my husband slips on his black boots, this is what goes through my mind. Those boots are the sign it is time for him to go into the darkness to answer calls for help and stop those who are unlawful on his streets.
Each day as law enforcement officers leave their homes to hit the streets there are those who love them at home, wondering if that would be the last goodbye.
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As a new police wife, I dreaded night shifts.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m an introvert who loves her alone time, and having the bed to myself is kind of luxurious, but night shifts got old quickly. I’d pretty much spend the time watching Netflix and grumbling when there was nothing to watch.
Now, I recognize that it’s just part of this life. It’s still sometimes hard (especially now that it means doing dinner, bathtime, and bedtime routines all by myself), but for the most part I love it. I don’t really know what I’d do without it.
The key is to recognize that that time alone is the perfect opportunity for you to focus on taking care of and improving yourself – and then taking that time to intentionally do something for yourself.
I know as a police wife you spend a lot of time doing things to try to help your husband, but you might be surprised at the positive difference it’ll make in your marriage if you invest some time in yourself, too. 🙂
I feel I’m lucky in the sense that I came to police wife bizarrely well-prepared for the trauma.
I mean, I spent a few months working at a center for domestic violence victims. I studied the effects of rape, sex trafficking, and other kinds of trauma throughout college because it’s a field I wanted to work in.
While it better prepared me to help my husband cope with the horrors of his job, there are some things you just can’t prepare for. And even though my husband does his best not to tell me the worst stuff he sees, he’s also better able to separate himself from the emotions – so he doesn’t always realize the stories he tells me are things I did not want to know.
And sometimes after hearing these stories, I can’t help but wonder: why did that have to happen? How is that fair?
Something about the last few days has made me contemplate where I used to be versus where I am now.
Maybe it’s because my son is about to turn two (where did the time go?), maybe it’s because I realized I’m now closer to 30 than I am to 20 (seriously, where the heck did it go?), or maybe it’s just because, well, I’ve grown a lot over the last year alone, let alone the last 5 and 10 years.
It’s amazing to look back at who I used to be and think of all the differences. Just under 10 years ago, I moved out on my own for the first time. I learned how to live alone, I learned how to manage my money, I worked all kinds of jobs and lived in my super small studio apartment that I was insanely proud of.
My husband was just my boyfriend at the time, and had barely started applying to police departments.
Hey there, it’s me.
I see you over there. I know you’re feeling broken down, frustrated, and overwhelmed. Sometimes this life is just way harder than you imagined, am I right?
Sure, at first it seemed a little exciting – after all, admit it: uniforms are super sexy. And you’re so proud to have a husband who’s a real-life superhero. But after the excitement wears off, it’s just flat out tough.
After all, when you said “I do” to your husband, you might not have realized he’d have another wife – one that’s much needier, that calls him at all hours of the night. One to whom he responds, every single time. It’s hard to feel treasured as a wife when there’s something else that always comes first.
And that other wife? She can be a real wench, right? She sends your husband home tired, frustrated, worn out, even traumatized at times. You can’t ever really tell what his response is going to be after a long shift, whether he’s going to shut you out and refuse to talk, or whether he’s going to need to feel close to you (even if he still doesn’t want to talk.)
For those of you who don’t know, I’m a Mormon. I don’t normally talk much about it, simply because it’s not usually that relevant to what I’m writing about.
Every six months, the church has a conference where we get to listen to the prophet and apostles speak. It’s an edifying experience every time and somehow, whatever issue I’ve been wrestling with at the time, I’ll have new insight on the issue after watching.
There was one conference, however, where one of the messages made my heart drop.
It was David O. McKay speaking, and he talked about the importance of controlling your thoughts.
“Your thoughts are the architects of your destiny,” he said.
When my husband was in the academy, he struggled a lot.
I mean, the academy is hard on everyone. It’s not supposed to be easy.
But he had a lot of moments of self-doubt, a lot of moments where he wondered if he was really in the right place. He struggled with injuries and with getting past his chronic pain (which usually just meant toughing it out and pushing through.)
While he was so happy to finally be in the academy, it was still tough. There were many times he had to ask God whether he really was where he was supposed to be.
To encourage him, I bought him a small set of scriptures (similar to this) and highlighted any that I thought would help him. I used a blue highlighter to keep it “on theme” 🙂 I figured he could read them at the academy, then when he had his own cruiser, they could easily be stored away since they were so small.
It surprised me that there were so many verses that seemed to apply directly to law enforcement, and as I went through the pages and searched for them, I found more and more. And they didn’t just help him – searching for them helped inspire me, too.