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There’s nothing worse than hearing something that was said about you from a secondhand source.
Seriously – I’d love to think gossip and cattiness like that was left in high school, but unfortunately, some people don’t take the whole, “don’t talk about people behind their backs” things to heart. Know what I mean?
But even for people who wouldn’t consider themselves gossipy, it’s pretty “normal” to talk about your husband behind his back to, say, your mom or your friends. I get it.
But something to consider is: would you want your husband to hear what you’re saying about him?
If you’d be totally comfortable with him being a fly on the wall at girl’s night, you’re doing great. I mean, with regard to what you say about him specifically, anyway – if you think he’d cringe at the talk of The Bachelor, that’s not what I’m talking about 🙂
But if you think he’d be shocked? Hurt? Offended? It might be time to think about the impact that actually has on your marriage – even if you think there’s no way he knows what you’re saying about him.
4 Reasons To Watch What You Say About Your Marriage
It affects your attitude toward your husband – and your entire marriage.
When you talk badly about your husband, it brings all the bad stuff about him into focus. And when you’re focusing on the bad stuff, it makes you lose sight of the good things about him.
When you choose to focus on the good things, even when your husband is annoying the crap out of you, it helps those annoying things be a lot less noticeable. I mean, no – they’re not going to go away completely. But that’s true for your faults, too.
Just as your actions can follow your attitude, your attitude can totally follow your actions. Like how smiling makes you instantly feel a little happier, even if you’re totally not? Or acting confident can make you feel more confident? Being loving to your husband behind your back is going to make you feel more warm and fuzzy toward him overall.
Also, if you’re talking crap about your husband behind his back, you’re going to be more likely to think he’s doing the same thing (whether he is or not). And that can definitely affect how much you trust him.
It alters how others view your husband.
If your husband does something wrong, you might vent and then be able to forgive him, regardless of what it is. But friends and family are a little less forgiving and less able to see the full situation.
They can’t see all the facets of your relationship: they can only see what you tell them.
If you’re constantly telling them how he never helps with the kids, or how he leaves his dirty dishes all over the place, or any of his other faults, that’s all the see. If instead, you build him up and talk about how proud you are of him, how hard he works, and how grateful you are for a wonderful husband, for a husband who helps when he can, and for a husband who’s alive, safe, and healthy.
It changes how people see you.
Dishing dirt on your husband with your friends makes them lose confidence in you. Because, of course, if you’re gossiping about someone else, the person to whom you’re gossiping is soon going to realize you’re bound to do the same thing to them.
Oh, and if he hears the stuff you’ve said about him secondhand, he’s definitely going to trust you less.
It destroys the sacredness of your marriage.
Your marriage should be a safe place. It should be the place you can fall back to, where you and your spouse are totally free to be yourselves, to love each other and build one another up.
It’s a sacred place, where you and your spouse are safe from the world around you.
By hanging your dirty laundry out for everyone to see, that sacredness is ruined. By not respecting boundaries within your marriage, you’re saying it’s not that important to you. That intimacy in other relationships matter more than the one between you and your husband.
I don’t think that’s the message you’d like to be sending anyone.
So if there’s an issue you need to sort out with your husband, keep it between the two of you.
So when you’re at girl’s night and the conversations steer toward dishing dirt on your spouse, don’t participate – or try to change the subject.
What’s your favorite thing about your husband?