One piece of wisdom I heard a lot growing up was, “don’t talk about people behind their backs.” You don’t want to be rude, for one thing, and you don’t want to lose the confidence of those you’re talking to. Because, of course, if you’re gossiping about someone else, the person to whom you’re gossiping is soon going to realize you’re bound to do the same thing to them.
You also don’t want these negative things getting back to the person you’re talking about. I can guarantee a secondhand rendition of what you’ve said is going to sound a lot worse, and hearing it this way is going to hurt the person’s feelings even more.
Nonetheless, this is a rule that I think we forget about when it comes to our spouse. You see it all the time in movies, on TV, everywhere. It’s just become normal to dish dirt on your spouse with friends.
The thing is, our marriage should be the most precious thing to us. If you’re careful not to gossip about friends, you should be doubly careful to watch what you say when your husband isn’t around. If you love him as much as you say you do, why not show him a little extra respect, even when he’s not there?
So if you must talk about your husband behind his back, here’s a list of what you should be saying.
Men thrive on these kinds of compliments. They want to be seen as successful, strong, someone to be proud of, especially by their wives.
What does he do to make sure you and your kids are provided for? Does he pick up extra shifts, sacrifice things he wants to buy so your family can have something you need?
Think about how excited your kids are when your husband comes home from work. I bet they play games they normally wouldn’t with mom, or get to go on different errands with him.
Especially when it’s later than usual, isn’t the sound of velcro so soothing? Mention how grateful you are for his safety.
Think about all the times he’s helped you. What about the time he stayed up with the baby so you could sleep, did the dishes without being asked, or gave you a foot rub at the end of a hard day? I bet you can think of something!
How have you seen your husband sacrifice for you lately? What are some ways he’s made you happy after a long day? Maybe he brought you flowers or some chocolate, or he just gave you a big hug and told you everything would be okay?
Insert whatever’s applicable in the blank. Is there a hobby he’s good at that you really admire? One thing I love about J is that he’s incredibly talented at cross stitching. It’s his favorite way to relax, and I absolutely love the things he’s made for me and for A.
Here’s the most important one. Aren’t you thankful to have a husband that’s good to you, that tries his hardest even if he sometimes falls short?
The best thing that will come from saying things like this behind your husband’s back is that it will inevitably get back to him. Compliments heard secondhand are (in my opinion) even better (unlike insults, which are even worse through hearsay).
It might even help others to do the same. Even if your girl’s night conversations typically center around this kind of talk, choose to change yourself and possibly inspire others. If you do, great! If you don’t, it still benefits you.
Showing your husband this kind of love when he’s not around will also make you think more fondly of him. Even if it’s not a natural habit at first, practice makes perfect! As you work on saying more good things about him behind his back, you’ll naturally feel a little more loving toward him and more willing to forgive him when he makes a mistake.
I’m a twenty-something LEO wife and stay-at-home mom to a one-year-old little boy. I enjoy writing, reading, taking my son for walks and runs in the stroller, and crafting. My goal is for Love and Blues to be a resource for first responders and their families. I write about marriage and family topics, as well as about the quirks that come with being married to a man in law enforcement, firefighting, or emergency medical services.
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